Posted: July 27, 2017 in Uncategorized


Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes


“The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”” 1 Samuel 3:10

It has been a long journey, some 13 years, since I started on the journey that I thought God was calling me to, that was affirmed by others and that has finally, unmercifully, come to an end.  Maybe a better verse to use for this post would be “I once thought as a child…..” because the naivety that once drove my faith has been worn away and finally, I have achieved adulthood.

I look back over previous posts, Facebook, and other media that I have used in the thirteen years that I have actively and intentionally walked a life as sinner/saint, broken and redeemed; so much foolishness, naïve beliefs and impossible thoughts.  Much like Heston dramatically shows in the original Planet of the Apes, astronaut George Taylor comes to realize that he has not slipped through an alternate universe or landed on a different planet, but that the human race has managed to destroy itself and the ‘evolutionary’ cousins, the Hominoidea, have evolved to take our place.  Having made his daring and bold escape, Taylor comes to the shore…..and finds Lady Liberty half buried in the sand…..he had no place to escape to.  He was home all the time.

Having the calling to the church in 2004 must’ve been foolish thinking; I am not polished, flexible or intentional enough to break the barriers that I did not even know were there and God has not seen fit to move the mountains.  The wounds of the last thirteen years have caused damage I was not aware of to the point where even I question my functionality should I have ever broken the barrier of man in my vocation.

The journey of the last two years in the Church has ended and much like Taylor, I have raced along the shoreline of the world before me confident in my ability to escape my foes and return to the process of fulfilling my calling….only to find I’ve escaped nothing, for the reality is the world has moved on without me.

God is still God and I am not.

But where once I thought as a child, I no longer can with reality starting me in the face.  It is time to grow up and move on to other things.




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